How do you talk to yourself? In those conversations you have in your head, the ones you don’t share out-loud. The ones where you tell yourself what you’re capable of and how amazing you are. Or perhaps where you use the kind of language that keeps you small, filled with self-doubt and that is keeping you stuck. Brene Brown (one of the most inspirational speakers and thinkers I’ve heard) suggests you should ‘talk to yourself like you talk to someone you love’. Would her suggestion change how you talk to yourself? If it did, you’d see different results in your daily life.

Don’t take that tone with you!

What is the general tone of your voice when you talk to yourself about what you can – and often, cannot, do? Are you encouraging and supportive or is the tone more disappointed and cruel? Is it any wonder that you’re feeling low, below par or even totally useless, when you’re telling yourself, repeatedly, that this is what (and who) you are?

It’s time to take ownership of your head-talk

I have never been a fan of the expression ‘fake it till you make it’, but I support the thinking behind it; tell yourself you are a success, and you’re more likely to become successful. Tell yourself that you’re not as successful as your peers, and this, too, is likely to become your reality. This is not about the Universe delivering what you ask for – it’s about YOU creating your own reality. Stop passing the buck and making this the choice of some greater energy and take ownership of your language, because you are the person who has decided that this is your story,  and you have the power to change that, at any time.

You deserve a new story

The first step is to notice your language and challenge it. This takes practice and often works best when we ask for help from those we trust. The stories you have been telling yourself about you, your world, your abilities and your limitations, have become part of your dialogue, so give it time to change  and keep at it – a day where everything goes back to ‘normal’ does not mean you’re failing to change, it means you’re resisting it and that is totally normal. Change does not happen over night and does not end because you had a bad day.

Gift yourself one positive month

Give yourself a whole month of positive language and you’ve created a new habit a new way of talking to yourself. This doesn’t mean you’ll never have to challenge your words again, or that you are failing if you have days where you revert to the old negative or self-deprecating language of your old habit; this is real, this is a constant process of change and life will throw things in our path to challenge any change we make. Knowing how hard you’ve worked to make the change is a positive step to continuing with it, even on the challenging days.

It can start with one word

Get started right now: Think about one word you use to describe yourself on a daily basis, one word that dominates the conversations that you have in the dark moments and change it – swap it for a new word right now. i don’t expect this to feel comfortable, and that’s great – change only really occurs when we’re un-comfortable enough to do something new. Go on, you deserve a positive, uplifting word. A word that describes the you that you know you are, when you’re at your best, when you’re being good to yourself, and when you’re taking note of your language.

I’d really like to know how you get on,


If you’ve ever wondered about Coaching, I’m launching my 2022 Mindset Coaching Groups for applications from February. If you’d like to know more, take a look here.